This past week has been a flurry of firsts: first time practicing knot-tying and suturing, first time doing postpartum rounds, and first catch! Yes, that’s right, I had the incredible honor of catching my first baby as a student nurse-midwife this past week.
I was processing the experience with a friend of mine who’s also a midwife and all I could really say was how struck I was by the simultaneous extraordinariness and ordinariness of the experience at the same time. It was a smooth, uncomplicated delivery, perfect for a first catch. As always, I caught my breath at that moment when the baby crowned and we got to see her face for the first time…and yet…there was no feeling of overwhelm for me afterwards. There was just a feeling of inner stillness and calm.
For a brief moment, I wondered if I had become immune to the magic of birth already: was I already getting bored? But no, what I realized was that I have been to enough births that I can sit in that space of calmness about it…and that I can rest 100% assured that I am called to this work. Even though my hands felt a bit awkward, and I wasn’t really sure how much cord traction was necessary, and I struggled to come up with a wild guess on the EBL, there was no doubt in my mind that I was supposed to be there in that moment, catching that baby.
This is what I am meant to do with my life, and the feeling of “ordinariness” was feeling that sense of alignment that I have been waiting for my entire life.
I know that there are more complicated, challenging experiences for me coming down the pike, experiences that will make me question my skill, my clinical judgment, whether I am called to this work. I hope that I can remember the feeling from that first catch, and from my week of doing postpartum rounds. It’s a feeling of deep satisfaction. I love that I get to talk about birth and families and contraception and transitions and transformation and healing…all in a day’s work.
Can’t wait to get back on the unit tomorrow for another 12 hour call shift. Who knows that tomorrow will bring?