Monthly Chai: 4

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And here we are again, another month having flowing by. August is always one of those months that I’ve felt could be summed up as a “hurry up and wait” month. Most of my life has revolved around an academic calendar, one which starts revving up in August. There’s something about the month that feels like a precipice for me…new beginnings just around the corner, but still, there’s a deep longing to pause, to savor the lingering summer light, to embrace the first harvest of summer abundance, to imprint in my memory what it feels like to be sun-soaked before the clouds return to the Pacific Northwest. As I sit down to write this Monthly Chai post, I’m struck that Stephanie over Feminist Midwife also wrote about time as a major theme.

And this is how far I got in this post last week when I realized that it probably wasn’t going to happen for me. That is, the post I was going to write didn’t actually need or want to be written. What needed to happen was a re-focus on clinical. On finishing assignments. On sleeping. On visiting with family. And perhaps, also, there may have been a lapse into starting Grey’s Anatomy again.

All I can say right now is that these last days (10 and counting) of being a nursing student feel strange. Unmooring. I am excited. But mostly exhausted. People want to come to my completion ceremony and help celebrate. All I want to do is be quiet and listen. I’m craving time alone, time to clean out all my files and bookshelves and the garage that’s been mocking me for the past year.

I am sad that many of the friendly faces and comrades in completing assignments big and small will be moving on to shiny new nursing jobs…I want to both hang on and let go at the same time.

I’ve registered for the fall…but that feels so far away at the moment. While I know that in a few weeks I’ll have the energy to get truly excited and reconnect with the joy of what’s to come, right now, I’m turning inward and taking things day by day.

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